I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I forgot to tell you. I'm at a porno shoot today.
One of my residents in my hall just found my positive pregnancy test from last year I hid behind the fridge, I'm just going to tell them it was for a science project.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
Whatever. I'm saving myself for my wedding night or a night with enough patron.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I need to go back to work. I've had so much sex since the shutdown started. last night we tried and a little flag came out saying "nothing is left in here try a week later"
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Randomize
