I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
So after THIS dui, I've decided to stop driving. Not drinking, just quit driving.
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
Should I mail that cop his nightstick or just throw it away?
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
Just for future reference. Do not do zumba while stoned out of your mind.
Randomize
