i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I just used 'come play with my balls' as a legitimate booty call attempt. And it worked.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
I know I've never told you this before.. but Gyro sauce makes everything okay.
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I just got to my parents hungover as hell. My dad could tell and said "theres only one cure for a hangover" and handed me a beer. This morning went from a 0 to 10 in an instant.
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
