69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
she carries around a jar of peanut butter. "just in case".
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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