I took my penis out way before I got to the bathroom and some dude kicked me out.
At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Currently using my kid's computer to charge my vibrator. #thisis30ish
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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