She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
Now you know for the next time you go in the basement to wear a helmet
I was trying to be an adult about it and simply deal with the situation, but a bowl seemed much more comforting.
Guess who won a bet and gets to name it Optimus prime if it's a boy
Nevermind. Totally worth it.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
So yeah, my old kindergarten teacher just asked me who gave me the hickies on me neck.
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
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