it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
We tried to get a ride from the same firefigters that were turning off the fire alarm going off at our house.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
He called his dick the "gentle giant"
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
Randomize
