they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
Dude I'm driving around California right now hiding little bags of weed in random places like Easter eggs so that I can come back and find them later
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
