Life lesson: if you fart while talking to a girl outside, the smell does not dissipate, it just lingers around mocking you
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
She bit a glass in half.
nothing worse than walking out of class after 3 hours and having covered exactly zero information
walking out with herpes. that would be worse
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
This chick at the gym, just informed me I was super funny this weekend. Especially when I untied her friends bikini top after throwing up in the women's restroom. SWEET black out chronicles has another story
i refuse to give everyone the satisfaction of seeing the results of my acting on my thoughts
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I never thought I would have to put a band-aid on my penis.
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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