"You squeeze, we tiip biiiiiig" JB
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
Honey, I don't care how "classic you" this is. It's not gonna matter if we can't find you in the morning.
My boyfriend correctly calculated the time I would be out of alcohol and showed up about four minutes after I'd run out with two bottles of wine. I think this is love.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
hey now, it was 6 bucks for 5 shots. you would have lost your panties too.
Trying not to ruin Mother's Day with the enormous hickey on my neck. Nice.
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
