I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
Just chased the kids into the backyard with kitchen knives. Best. Babysitters. Ever.
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
SHE WON'T ROUND UP MY GRADE! I have a 79.8% I ONLY MISSED TWO CLASSES!!! ONE WHEN I GOT DRUGGED AND ONE WHEN MY CAR GOT BROKEN INTO!! I'm interculturally competent. I used to date a Italian/Cherokee Indian. I fucked a Palestinian. How much more pro-peace can you get?
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
