I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
this bucketlist has just become an excuse for me to be slutty, and i'm not even ashamed
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
I can guarantee he will smoke me out and I won't feel bad about it because he gets to touch my butt.
Randomize
