Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Pants 0. Shit 1.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
Randomize
