i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Randomize