I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
I'm drinking Dom Perignon from the bottle with a straw just to piss of some french dude.
was this before of after we tobbganned into that tree?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
you told the cab driver to stop being such a pussy because he wouldn't let you shotgun a beer in the backseat
Ok in all seriousness. Alcohol intake is now restricted for me. I found handcuffs in my trunk.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
The feeling are messing with the penis
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
I just saw a raccoon get launched out of a tree by another raccoon. They have turf wars...
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