Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
We woke up on vday and got high and played frisbee in our living room for a couple hours and then had sex. It was probably the most romantic valentine's day i've ever had
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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