dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I apparently spent $173 at the bar last night. The proof is in the vomit on my pillow and the receipt I tried to clean it up with.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
We used a snorkel as a funnel. Can you say desperate?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
Okay so.. What's with me and guys who have more than 2 nipples
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
