I think im going to throw up on grandma
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
All I know is when I checked my phone this morning google translate was open with "help the cow ate my robot" translated to French
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
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