Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
True idk how my parents didn't know I was blackout. I ate like 4 pieces of cheesecake and showed my cousins my boobs
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
I'm trying to find a place to hide weed in my mother in law's house...
Married life problems?
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
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