i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Dude, where are you?
In back
of car
... whose car?
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Randomize
