Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You know that if they offer you a bagel they are determined to sleep with you, right?
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
