that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Think of it as a business transaction. That's how I justify all the horrible things I do. Blow my married boss? Just a business transaction.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
