Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I got laid two nights in a row
And none for Gretchen Wieners...
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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