I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Tackling and headbutting friends, running away and hiding from everyone, attempting to streak across campus, and then waking up with no sign of a hangover... happy 21 to me
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
Randomize
