hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I worked hard to give you that boner. No one else should get to enjoy it!
If we laid all the dicks that's have been inside of us end to end it would be as tall as 4 story building. 40 feet of dicks.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Randomize
