I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
I will also be strapping forties to the puppies.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
