i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
No she probably looked into my aura and saw that my penis would ruin her.
Can I get that on a shirt
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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