Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
He's in bed with me right now. I'm wearing a towel and all I could wish for is my freedom. And pizza.
why does my status of facebook already read REHAB 2011
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I remember saying your puke looked like a jellyfish and you got very offended.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
