i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
A guy at my table is reading a magazine called "Cheese Connoisseur"
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
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