Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
he said he wants to do me james and the giant peach style. im afraid of what that means. but moderately excited. wish me luck.
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
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