i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
I'm hiding out in the living room until he falls back asleep. If he catches a whiff of my tits, it's all over. I just need to play it cool. Babies can smell fear
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
The bottle of Jameson may have been a bit aggressive for a Sunday cookout.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Randomize
