so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
This baby is an asshole
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
