Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I just realized that i have never seen about 30 percent of my friends sober before
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
They should have to wear some identification that warns you to stay away. Like one of those cones dogs wear to keep them from biting stitches. CONE OF SHAME.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
Just smokin in the creek with some deer, they like the smoke, I know.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
