Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
well...I was at work...until someone dropped dead during their performance of "I believe I can fly". It was karaoke night.
Randomize
