i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I can't wait to get home and drunk cuddle your dog
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
