I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
