Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
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