Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
i love when people i haven't talked to since we fucked write on my wall.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
You kept saying you we're gonna puke and wanted to steal my pants
That does not explain the remnants of a small fire in my bathtub.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
So I fucked a guy with his mouth wired shut last night never thought id cross that off my imaginary bucket list
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
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