everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I got otter pops to cool the beers, it's an all around better idea.
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
How do I tell my boss I have slutty fantasies about him, me and his conference room table?
Randomize
