Do you think Patty Mayonase ever went down on Doug?
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
It was worse than when we pepper-sprayed my dick. I feel mislead.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
