everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Randomize
