All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
