Im not sure if he just tripped or was star gazing, but i gave him head anyway.
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Dude, we apparently put a washing machine drum in that back of your truck with the full intention of making a bonfire in it.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
He sang the chorus to “Inside of you” by Russel Brand in Forgetting Sarah Marshall as he proceeded to not pull out...
Honestly? I wouldn’t even be mad, that probably took talent
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