if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
