He uses pillows to masturbate.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I'm still trying to decide if it's a complement when he said "I'd like to subscribe to your daddy issues".
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
im that hungover where parking at red lights has to be done
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
I never said it was inaccurate, I said I hate you.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
And a hot pocket after we fucked. Heaven.
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
Randomize