When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
I have a high opinion of you, you smash bitches. Respect.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
Randomize
