wtf someone played my fucking brickbreaker games and lost i had ten fucking lives. ughhh
maybe you did when you were drunk
no way, i wasn't THAT drunk.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Needless to say, she forgave him, they're back together, and I'm seriously considering having a lesbian year.
Stop sending me pictures of you naked. This violates the friend zone agreement.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
