Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Ok you had this coming you put a sponsored filter on a dick pic
is caitlin alive?
ya she's alive she's watching a movie
ok remind her she drank toilet water then.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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