paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i was in the bathroom puking my brains out, a girl walked in and said "i just came to do the same thing" so i told her i would move over and share the toilet. its better than being alone.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
That was around the time you tried to kick me out for being rude to your fish.
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
No gifts needed, but if you have fireworks or weed that'd be good.
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
This is not the first time I've recognized my body is subconsciously trying to make pizza.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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