the best part about tonight...knowing when i wake up in the morning his car will still be full of packing peanuts..and mine wont
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
see if i had a dick i'd definitely smack people in the face with it
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I'm not really sure if I peed the bed last night or if the cat was trying to get back at me for using her litter box last weekend
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
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