Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
she just sent our roommates a message asking them for a parakeet. are you gonna call later?
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