Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Can you not touch my dick while I'm holding a gecko?
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
Randomize
