I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
whoever created level 16 on brickbreaker is a dick
I'm doing laundry in pjs and heels, home alone with my margarita bucket.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
I NEED A MOM FRIEND. NOW.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
Randomize
