i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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