i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
Only a mothe r could love this liver
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
i just snorted my name. best moment ever
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
just found out I caught the bouquet at the wedding. I win for being the drunkest yet most functional bridesmaid.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
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