Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
Look, if I'm too lazy to put any effort into sexting, you better believe I'm too lazy to put any effort into dating.
Whatever, ill dance on the bar at applebees, don't try and act like you're above it.
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
