every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
Randomize