There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
He's basically like a fancy dildo that buys me dinner.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Are we in any of the areas with tornados?
Dude, i don't even have pants on yet, it's too early to think about tornadoes.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
Virgins should have to wear a badge. This burden is too heavy...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Randomize
