Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
We just took shots out of seashells. Welcome spring break 10.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
So what we learned was that it doesn't matter how skinny the stripper is, if she sits on your knee with a torn acl for two hours it's going to swell up
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