Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You woke me up at 2 am to tell me I could pee in a golf club if I wanted to.
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
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