so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I told her i was enlisting in the air force tomorrow.....it was like the activation code to her vagina
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
reason #14 for loving my boobs...just got out of a 40mph over the limit speeding ticket thru a work zone. i dont think the cop knew i even had a face
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
My liver is whispering mean things about me to my kidneys. It's a fucking miracle I'm not hungover. Lol
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
Randomize
