Don't make out with my wife yet
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
She was grinding on him and then she was eating a Big Mac. Who the hell brings a Big Mac to the club?
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
