Only in Montana can you find Septic Services that would display "Christian owned and operated" on the side of the truck. I'm oddly going to miss this state.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Randomize
